Take one grindstone. Apply nose firmly...

Jul 4 2012 4:49PM

Inspiring insights are thin on the ground as the summer terms drags on... and on...

Well I'm going to deflate my own blog - if that mental picture isn't too distasteful - and admit that this week is turning out to be a succession of daily grinds.

No stunning parenting insights, or profound thoughts about adoption, just a relentless struggle to get two children fed, watered and off to school, then safely back home again, re-fed, re-watered, homework done, ready for bed and asleep. It sounds like pretty much every family up and down the length of this land, but I think the joker in our particular pack is Daisy's ASD.

Because Daisy can't express in words things that are troubling her, they come out in (what social workers call) 'behaviours'. So, on top of any underlying disturbance caused by her adoption, Daisy finds many aspects of school very tough. She struggles in lessons because of her learning difficulty. She struggles at playtime because she cannot form friendships, and so ends up with lots of time to kill. Teachers and other children don't understand what autistic world looks like, and sometimes react inappropriately. For Daisy it all comes out either as silly, over-excited behaviour that is sometimes dangerous (for example, when walking along a busy road), or as anger and aggression, usually directed towards Mrs Monty.

I've found that the wise words of the adoption preparation trainer, "Try to see beyond the behaviour" usually work best with 20/20 hindsight. In the heat of the moment it's hard not to feel rattled by a child displaying wacky behaviour, even when you do love them to bits.

So. Adoption is "parenting plus"... but with a disabled child it's more like parenting plus plus plus at times.

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